Obvious Diversion

I noticed that every two-bit blog on the internet has a holiday gift guide and I thought “Hey, I have a two-bit blog”. As a result, I have put together this lovely gift guide based on past posts and other miscellaneous stuff I prefer to waste my free time with. Note to friends: this is not a wishlist of any sort, so please don’t think this is me trying to bait your gift-giving tendencies.

Tempo Time Tag

Do you have a crazy uncle who spends way too much time at the casino? You know, he sits there playing slots and every once in a while feels like he’s forgotten something. He looks around for a clock that doesn’t exist and then at his wrist for a watch he pawned long ago. Eventually the thought simply passes and he hits the button and hopes for triple bar. Now you can buy him these helpful time tags that he can clip all over the place, so he’ll finally remember he was supposed to pick up his kid three hours ago from school, feel guilty for a moment, and then return to playing slots.
Cost: $18 for two tags

Amy Sedaris Lil’ Smokey Cheese Ball

Have you ever wanted to eat food prepared by semi-famous tv personalities that usually say inappropriate things on tv talk shows and are related to fairly well-selling authors? Your dream has come true in the form of Amy Sedaris Lil’ Smokey Cheese Balls. Go buy one and know that dreams do come true.
Cost: I forget, but it’s something like 7 bucks at Gourmet Garage

A Pare Umbrella

The rain would be a great deal more enjoyable if I got to see more of these umbrellas decorating the cityscape. My new current favorite is probably bubbly, but all the designs are amazingly impressive.
Cost: $49

Five Pounds of Silly Putty

Retail is for suckers and so is buying Silly Putty in those tiny containers. Instead you can pick up 5 lbs of silly putty for $76.99. I have no idea what you’ll do with 5 lbs of Silly Putty, but I’m sure it’ll be cool. It available in the standard putty color and bright blue. Keep in mind, it clearly says on the bottom of the page “Not intended for use as ear plugs”. You’ve been warned.
Cost: $76.99

Certified Coolness From The Trilogy of Awesome

Seattle has a lot of curious spaces, but none that I like more than three friends who open three stores on the same block. Their names? Fancy, Schmancy and Pants. Together, they are the recognized trilogy of awesome. I offer up one suggestion from each: the grid bracelet from Fancy, the new Monsterism figures from Schmancy and the tron cycle t-shirt from Pants.

The Rotolog Watch

This is a seriously cool watch with inlaid wood and now it’s available in white or black as well.
Cost: $200

Put Your Friend on iTunes

Know a musician or performance artist or primal scream therapist who records their work but is too afraid to get it “out there”? Push them off the cliff and get their audio up on iTunes for the cost of simply jumping through some hoops. CD Baby offers an independent-friendly artist distribution on iTunes and other services and they don’t charge you anything until someone buys an album.
Cost: Some paperwork

Brendan Monroe Sour Crop Sculpture

I haven’t a clue as to what these sculptures cost, but they rock. If you have the money to spend, you could probably contact the artist and find out. Upon giving this gift to your loved one, you’ll be rewarded with the satisfying response of “what the hell are these?”
Cost: I have no idea.

Mikro Man

Mikro Man comes as a flat sheet of laser cut metal and you then have to very very carefully bend it out to it’s full form. The results are pretty cool to say the least. It’s also an easy way to mock friends with terrible hand-eye coordination.
Cost: £75

Darth Vader Lawn Sprinkler

The Darth Vader sprinkler may be the worst movie product tie-in ever, after the Top Gun Lawn Dart Set of course.
Cost: $18.99 and your dignity

Candela

When Candelas first came out a few years ago, I immediately tracked them down and bought them. Fantastic electronic lights that may be some of the best design coming out of the US.
Cost: $49-$89

A City-Wide Rapid Transit System

If you think gas costs a lot now, it’ going to get much worse and it’s cost will continue to choke your ability to invest in your community, if it’s not doing so already. Cities with electric systems will handle the weight of this change more easily. Cities that haven’t made the investment will be hit hard. It’s an investment and one worth making.
Cost: Plenty (plus shipping and handling)